When everything is about happiness and perfection here around the Internet, or at least what we wish to show, I suddenly felt the need to find an outlet for my anxiety or sadness. I think this has been the way for several artists from past to now, from Baudelaire or Virginia Woolf to Edith Piaf or Kurt Cobain. But I have realised lately that embroidery is my go to self help element every time I need to express the unexpressed.

Don’t let this Happiness Dictature destroy you

Don’t you feel like we are constantly refraining from exteriorizing dark feelings? Maybe it is because of me being the Introverts Megaboss or, just a lack of self esteem (or fear of conflicts?), but I usually keep everything for myself and end up exploding, alone.

It is becoming more “normal” to share your inner darkness thanks to tv shows like “Girls”, “Euphoria” or “Pure” but when I decided to share this video of me crying just because everything was dark for no reason and break my “Everything is perfect” feed, I realised it was still not welcome.

It gave me pleasure and relief. Some people got scared, some others opened themselves to share hidden emotions with me.

Secrets were unleashed and a bouquet of “I feel you” blossomed suddenly.

I got closer to humans that looked extremely happy on the surface but weren’t and got surprised by the vision that everybody had of me (my mother included): “Why are you sharing this kind of video if you are a super happy and optimistic person?”. Well, this is me too, and it is actually a higher percentage of me so I won’t stop.

So I started a serie of cross stitched sentences with no other goal that externalizing my deepest and darkest thoughts. I put some in the streets, other on cloth, and other are just on my Instagram but it calmed the voices in my head in some way.

The therapeutic nature of embroidery and those emotions we hide.

It could be grief, loss, sickness, any kind of inequity, anxiety, divorce or loneliness in a world where everything is turning digital and we lose the use of our hands.

When is the last time you have written on paper or created a gift yourself? Well, let me explain what you’ll feel if you chose cross stitch over break down (and this is based on my personal experience only).

1. Focus and patience: An embroidery constrains you to focus for a long period of time and this is becoming a lost skill lately. I have realised that my capacity of patience and focus are higher than average and I suspect this is coming from my years staring at the fabric and trying not to fail. It is definitely a kind of meditation.

2. Emotional intelligence: Yes. You decide to stitch a sentence. This is not gonna be done in 10 minutes. You will stare at it for at least one hour, maybe two or three or days! This will help you to set some distance between you and your feelings. Make it yours. Make it external and get it out of your mind.

3. Self confidence: Suddenly you are able to make beauty with chaos. Stitches won’t move. You assume your thoughts and if you are lucky you can share with beautiful persons and talk about it. This is kind of a quiet activism. Do you know the Profanity Embroidery Group? Check out this beauty they have created putting in common their darkest emotions. I love it.

Another swearing artist and I think she was one of the first to do so: Brode Pute !

Help yourself

Want to give it a try? Well, some of those sentences I decided to stitch became cross stitch patterns and I’d like to share one of them with you for free.

This theme touches me in a very special way and I am sad to realise that cancer is becoming a “normal” thing around us. But you have the right to complain, fight, suffer or get angry about it.

So I have made it for you or that one you love who need to loudly say F*CK YOU, CANCER! In a way that can only mean “I’m gonna beat you the hell out of this body!” or “I freakin’ did it!”.

Click here to download it and feel free to share it with family and friends that are brave too.